The Disney Diaries #1

After seven years without a vacation, Kat and I finally returned to Walt Disney World. We honeymooned there in 1995, went back in 2000, and intended to go two years ago, but it didn’t happen until now. Everyone was forced to take some vacation at Future before the end of the fiscal year, and I had already chosen a slow period on the current issue to sneak away, so the timing was actually spot-on for once.

I didn’t blog from the resort because I was having too much fun, but I did take notes. I brought my laptop on vacation, because I had some long plane rides and wanted to work on some personal projects, and ultimately things started to leak out of my brain because that’s just the way I’m wired. So I’ll post these random thoughts and anecdotes over the next few days as The Disney Diaries.

  • I am allergic to Florida. I didn’t know this before coming but once I got down here my sinuses went crazy and I’ve been sneezing and leaking for no reason, with no other symptoms. When I left, so did the reactions, though I’m still congested. Not sure what I could be allergic to. Maybe it’s pollen. Maybe it’s cartoon mice. I’m betting it’s children.
  • Speaking of which, people ask, “If you don’t like children, why do you go to Disney World?” Simple: it’s the most entertaining form of birth control I’ve found. You go, you have fun, you have your fun interrupted by other people’s families, and you realize that you’d never be able to handle that shit 24/7. Then you come home, glad to be away from children, and you really appreciate your cats.
  • If you go to Disney World, do it after Labor Day. We usually do (our actual anniversary is September 9) but this year, we had a great chance to do a gig at a local casino, so Kat rescheduled. It’s one of my few regrets, because the volume of people in the park dropped dramatically Tuesday, but there were oodles of visitors through Monday. So if you ever want to see Disney on your terms, do it once school starts. There was literally no wait on most rides Tuesday.
  • If age < 30 and/or kids = not 0, then Blizzard Beach > Typhoon Lagoon. If age > 30 and kids = 0, then Typhoon Lagoon > Blizzard Beach. Blizzard was built after Typhoon, and it seems like a reaction to guests saying Typhoon wasn’t extreeeeeme enough. Blizzard has a lot of slides and speed runs, which means a lot of people waiting in 30-minute lines for literally six-second experiences; Typhoon has a bitchin’ wave pool that was fun for hours and almost made Kat’s sunburn worth it. Teens will opt for the long lines and short thrills, but adults will have more fun with Typhoon’s attractions.
  • I officially threw up after a Disney ride. I did Mission: SPACE on the “more intense” Orange path and holy shit, the G forces fucked me up hard. I ralphed shortly after exiting the cockpit. Glad I did the ride, but glad I will never do it again.
  • No Haunted Mansion! Absolutely one of my favorite attractions, and it’s being refurbished this year. I guess I could have found out ahead of time but it didn’t occur to me that things would be shut down for the whole season. Dammit. And then when we made it to Disney MGM, the Rock & Roller Coaster was shut down. It was working the day before. Kat dodged a bullet, because before the trip she said she was going to ride it, then changed her mind. I was going to goad her into riding but with the ride unexpectedly shut down for “refurbishment,” she didn’t have to endure my torture. They’re really not good at communicating these things.

More later.

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