Dear Ed, Tyler, Kevin, and Jim:
Hey, I’m really sorry to hear about Steve leaving the band. I have been a fan since Gordon and I actually interviewed two of you on the press tour of Maybe You Should Drive, so I can appreciate what a big deal this is.
I know you’re going to continue on as a four-piece, but let me just blurt this out: I can be the new guy. I can handle the stigma. And if Steven really left because he wasn’t getting enough songwriting love, that’s not a problem. My songwriting output is meager; if I can help with one cut per album, that would be a huge victory for me.
And I almost joined you once already. A few years ago I applied to be on a VH1 show (or was it MTV? I don’t remember) where fans competed in a reality show to join their favorite band on stage and sing one of their biggest hits. I got called, then they said no because I was too far away or something, then they called back a few weeks later and begged me to send in a video because they really thought I was perfect — I was singing in a cover band, I had been a fan of BNL for years, and I had experience in front of cameras. It was exciting and scary and a near miss. I didn’t get on the show because I had not yet memorized “One Week.” Rather than lead VH1 on, I was honest in my video and said I was reading the lyrics but could learn them by the next week. They passed, but now I have my integrity, and you have an opening.
It certainly makes sense on paper. Steve is 38. I’m 38. Steve is white and full of pop culture nonsense. Hey, me too. Steve lost weight; I am more like “Steven Page Classic” weight. I’m everything but Canadian, and I am willing to to relocate and apply for citizenship. (I was just up in Vancouver for business; it was lovely.) I have my own gear and you can hear some of my recent stuff over at Palette-Swap Ninja. (I’ve got a live sampler from my Fast Times days, too.) And I can learn “One Week,” but I really only need to learn half, since Ed does all the fast parts, and I know he knows it.
Look, let’s just jam and see if the vibe is there. I’d say call me, but you probably don’t have my number, so just leave a comment. I’ll track your IP or something.