Revenge for spam

One of the Internet’s nastiest spammers got arrested this week. Some are calling it a major victory; some are saying it’s a drop in the bucket. I say, one down, several to go.

Let’s send a message. I suggest a sentence of punching him in the face once every ten seconds or so for the entirety of his sentence. I mean, mix it up; sometimes it’s 12 seconds, sometimes it’s only eight. We don’t want him being able to predict it. But to me, a constant painful barrage is the only punishment that fits the crime.

Running dark

One of the things I considered before starting a blog was whether I really had anything to say. I wasn’t sure but I kind of wanted the experience of trying one on for size, so I went ahead with it. But lately all the things I’ve wanted to say are not postable, for a few reasons:

  • Some are about work. Blogging about work, whether good or bad, whether fact or opinion, is career suicide. You either wind up complaining about something you shouldn’t publicly air, or you wind up being excited about something that you should not be giving away yet. The only winning move is not to play.
  • Some of the very personal aspects of my life are likely not important to anybody else, but they might be interesting; maybe even controversial or salacious. But by their very nature, it doesn’t make sense to talk about them out in the open, no matter how strong my opinions are or what eloquent things I would have to say about them.
  • Some are secret projects that I am working on. Kat just came up with another one and it, too, is not for public consumption simply due to its nature. Someone could steal the idea; the entire project could be compromised if too much information got out. However, it would be nice to express some emotions about those projects, but…just can’t, or the projects themselves would get damaged.

So, there you have it. So much for radical transparency. Instead, you get drivel about crutches and guitars.

The cripple effect

That pretty much says it all. I didn’t tend to the ankle sprain fast enough when it happened, and now I’ve got to start all over again. I’ve been in pain for the last two days as it just mysteriously got worse, so I went back to the doctor to see what was up. X-rays were clean so it’s just back to square one on a sprain.

At least this time I have the right tools. I’ve never used crutches before and after just an hour or two I already have bruises under my arms, so maybe I have to fiddle with the height. But hopefully, in a month, they’ll be trophies in the garage.

The one big question Heroes left unanswered

Has anyone seen supervillain Sylar and Mortal Kombat designer Ed Boon in the same place at the same time?

I mean no disrespect; I really like Ed, I’ve been fortunate to interview him a few times, and I’m truly a fan of his work. But every time I watched the show and Sylar stole someone’s powers by slicing open their heads, I kept thinking “OMG! Fatality!”

Passport

I applied February 20th. I got mine this week. That’s about four weeks after I needed it; I had to cancel a business trip to Canada because I could not get an update or any information out of the passport office.

If you need one, apply yesterday.

Chris Kohler

I am reading Chris Kohler‘s Power Up on my trip, which I’ve meant to get around to reading for a long time. I’m enjoying it. It’s like living inside Chris’ Nintendo-worshipping head. It’s a very reverent, very informative place, and it gives me an appreciation for some Nintendo history and lore I hadn’t considered. (My mom famously refused to get me an NES because I had so many “Atari tapes.” Ultimately, she was right; there was a lot invested in that system.)

I’d like to think if you put Chris, Andy Eddy, and myself on a quiz show panel and asked us video game trivia, the three of us would know just about everything. I would like to think that. I hope one day we get to find out.

BTW, I spotted this on Chris’ Wikipedia entry. “Kohler can be seen on YouTube opening an extremely rare Nintendo DS game, stripping it of its value.” That phrase makes me cringe because I don’t necessarily equate “value” with “financial worth,” but the Wiki editor clearly does. (And Chris is half kidding about calling it “worthless” anyway.) Games — even the rare ones — are made to be played. Open, that Game & Watch collection tells you far more about game history and evolution than it would sealed. To my mind, the “value” is very much intact. Maybe I’m taking that phrase a little too seriously, but still. Suck me, you anonymous little Wiki-editing bitch.

That video is, however, a good representation of Chris in real life. Excited. Friendly. Drunk.

How to pretend you’re me on a business trip

  • Print everything out ahead of time — everything even remotely connected with or relevant to the trip — and keep it with you in a manila file folder. (If it’s E3, put the folder in a plastic pouch.) Consult that folder every 45 seconds, just to make sure all the info is there. When you get home, you’ll realize you printed out several sheets of paper that you never needed and you’ll get a good warm feeling when recycling them.
  • Bring the lightest book that you haven’t read yet. Try not to damage it but accept that if you do mess up the cover, it will simply acquire that “well-loved” look and, even if you haven’t finished reading it, when you put it back on the shelf, people will assume you have devoured it cover to cover.
  • Get the window seat. Put your bag under the seat in front of you. Do not get up for any reason during the entire flight. You may, however, mutter under your breath if a child starts crying or the flight staff starts barking on the PA about how your options are all listed in the in-flight magazine but they are going to announce all that stuff anyway, thereby interrupting your iPod listening.
  • Write song lyrics on the plane, because you know it’s the only place you seem to be able to get into that zone.
  • Bring extra copies of Future magazines and leave them behind in the airplane seat pockets. Hello, potential pass-along reader! (Or recycling bin!)
  • At the hotel, buy a bottle of iced tea from the vending machine for $2, pour it into one of those tiny water glasses in the room, and sip it like you’re having whiskey on the rocks after a hard day of a business conference.
  • Avoid having fun. Just focus on the work that needs doing. Plan to write your article while still on the road if you can, so you can end the trip by coming back to the office and handing in the article. You then have the option of also screaming “Boo-ya!” as you submit it, fully formed, the moment you walk in the door.