This was an IM exchange from several months ago that I’ve just learned my wife not only saved, but passed around to friends.
Kat: so tonight for dinner, chicken and rice and grilled zucchini
Dan: two out of three ainâ€™t bad. gonna grill on the panini?
Kat: you just have to try it, yep
Dan: has zucchini changed in some major way since the last time I tried it? Because I have never, ever liked zucchini.
Kat: when did you last try it?
Dan: cucumbers, sometimes I have talked myself into them. Zucchini smells bad to me and tastes bad to me. I still donâ€™t even consider zucchini an option
Kat: try a small piece, if you donâ€™t like it I wonâ€™t bug you again
Dan: you said that last time
Kat: then I wonâ€™t bug you til I forget and bug you
Dan: in Encyclopedia Amrich, zucchini is notable for being what Derek Smalls stuffed down his trousers and little else. â€œIn a culinary context, zucchini is treated as a vegetable, which means it is usually cooked and presented as a savory dish or accompaniment. Botanically, however, the zucchini is an immature fruit, being the swollen ovary of the female zucchini flower.â€ OMG
Kat: it makes great bread
Dan: I am not interested in eating swollen ovaries
Kat: you are such a baby!
Dan: just because I choose to research vegetables to understand them and perhaps make them MORE appealing does not mean I am a baby
Kat: you eat the flesh of animals, but are squemish about veggies
Dan: I recall my parents having fried zucchini and/or italian dishes with zucchini. Because the animals are tasty. I will try it. Again.
Kat: thatâ€™s all I ask
Dan: and perhaps this time we will mark the date so it can be remembered as â€œthe last time you tried thisâ€
Kat: how come you have no memory of what I tell you, but food you remember?
Dan: Because your voice is melodious, and I get wooed by your sirenâ€™s call, but zucchini is traumatic and I weep
Kat: If I donâ€™t think it is very tasty I wonâ€™t have you try it
Dan: wow, thatâ€™s as close to a guarantee. What is it supposed to taste like, besides hot, which is not a flavor but a sensation
Dan: see, I hate squash smells too. I was actually thinking â€œwell at least itâ€™s not squashâ€ â€” not kidding
Kat: Itâ€™s like a dense buttery cucumber
Dan: but cucumbers are interesting because, like carrots, they are crisp and light, and if you recall you actually got me eating raw carrots.
Dan: I donâ€™t love them but I can eat them now and sometimes even CHOOSE to so we have raw carrots and lettuceâ€¦.thatâ€™s inching its way toward a salad. If I can just get over the tomato issue.
dress it up with garbanzo beans (another Kat victory) and a few sprouts (which you donâ€™t like) and maybe a little feta as a reward for eating a salad in the first place.
Dan: so why fuck that up by grilling squashesque vegetables? but doesnâ€™t it just make them hot and mushy?
Kat: Cause I like them and everything isnâ€™t about you
Dan: lolâ€”very little is about me but Iâ€™m just pointing out that you were on a path to progress, and this is a weird detour. sadly I find no recipes online that contian both the words â€œzucchiniâ€ and â€œtequilaâ€
Kat: I can dip it in tequila for you
Dan: thatâ€™s a waste of good tequila