Dragon wagons

Just for the record: If you have an unusual kink, I truly don’t mind. Whatever makes you happy, that’s cool, as long as it doesn’t take advantage of someone else. Seriously, it can be weird. Do you get excited by frying pans? X-Wing Fighters? Household cleanser? I swear to you, I’m fine with it. I don’t judge.

But I do reserve the right to be surprised when I see something that I simply hadn’t considered before.

This is it. And it’s not safe for work. Especially if you are a mechanic and/or the ruler of a fantasy kingdom.

What’s more, it’s not an isolated incident. December 13 wins for best pun.

Like I said, this doesn’t anger or outrage or dismay or shock me. It is what it is; it hurts nobody. I simply wasn’t aware.

Carry on.

Cloverfield (spoiler-free)

Here’s the thing about Cloverfield: It’s not for stupid people.

As soon as the movie was over, some Marc Ecko-wearing simpleton with a Flexfit-topped shaved dome jumped up and said, “That was gay!” (The fact that he spoke up in public was the only thing that set him apart from the similar robots nodding in agreement.)

But here’s the spoiler-free thing: Cloverfield isn’t Independence Day. It’s not candy-coated; it’s not tidy. It was never supposed to be a feel-good hit of the season. It’s there to challenge you, to tell a story that you think you know in a way you don’t, from a perspective you haven’t considered. It aimed for plasuible realism in an unrealistic scenario, which is so hard to do and made me so satisfied to see it done right.

Clearly, the dolts in my theater couldn’t rise to that challenge. They were probably pissed off that you never saw the Blair Witch, either. (You do see the monster, okay? That’s not a spoiler and it’s not the point.)

In summary: I loved it. Except for the end credits music.

How not to attend CES

The only time I hear about Gizmodo, it’s in a negative context. I didn’t like the site then, and I don’t like it now. But at least there may be some penalties involved this time.

I hope so. Some of my friends think the prank was hilarious; I’m in the other camp. This is sabotage. If “legitimate” press had pulled this shit (or another company showing products!), you’d never hear the end of it, there would be no “but it’s just a joke” defense. News isn’t pranks. News isn’t even gossip. And increasingly, blogs are proving that they aren’t news. If you want what little respect the press has left, I don’t think it’s asking too much that you try to earn it. And again…they’re getting traffic for the bad behavior, but for how long? I understand there are a few other websites out there that also cover tech news. Why the fuck do I need theirs?

A good friend suggested that this was nerds taking back CES with nerdly pranks; it was not only funny, but somewhat noble in that “take that, bloated faceless corporations” way. But I disagree. CES has always been about business — it’s a trade show, and it’s there to serve the needs of the bloated faceless corporations. If this were a sitcom and The Man had taken over the local comic book shop and turned it into a stuffy art gallery where no kids were allowed, I’d agree with the shenanigans — but this isn’t, and I don’t.

I think it bothers me deeply for another, obviously personal reason: as someone who was bullied, I fucking hate bullies. Bullies pick on defenseless people for no reason, and usually those defenseless people aren’t prepared to defend themselves because the aggression is so unexpected and undeserved. We made it through how many CES shows without someone introducing this kind of attack?

And yes, it was an attack. Pardon my melodrama, but I sure don’t like the long security lines since 9/11; how much more complicated did these jackholes just make CES for everyone showing or attending?

Ban the fuckers.

2007 in review

Putting the year in perspective, it was…active.

  • Fast Times played with four full-time keyboard players
  • I fell in love with the Taylor T5…and a Baby Taylor!
  • Road-tripped from Atlanta to Raleigh with a great group of folks
  • Finally made it back to Walt Disney World for a vacation
  • My 360 red-ringed
  • Palette-Swap Ninja finally got underway
  • Wes Nihei went from GamePro to Gametap
  • Eddie and DLR — together again, at last
  • I played poker in Vegas for the first time
  • Perplex City was solved, and season 2 launched…then immediately folded
  • I met Ernie Hudson
  • Gossip websites successfully masqueraded as news websites
  • I horribly sprained my ankle and my right-knee bursitis returned. I’m damaged goods now.
  • An exploding gas truck melted part of our highway here in the Bay Area
  • I got my passport…then didn’t leave the country
  • Jeff Minter went apeshit because I didn’t like his game
  • Finally got a PT Cruiser

It was good, overall. May you live in interesting times.