Things Dead Rising has taught me

  • Zombies are dumb, but humans are dumber. What part of “follow me” don’t you understand?
  • Guns are overrated. Scream as loud as you want and carry a big stick.
  • Save yourself. And save yourself often.
  • It looked like it was pick-up-and-play but it’s really not. I don’t know where the hell I’m going or how to do anything. I should read the instructions.
  • Chicks with big racks are merely distractions. But if they’re zombie chicks with big racks, take photos and you’ll earn points.
  • I need a key. To get anywhere. I constantly need a key.
  • I don’t know where to get keys. And I probably need a key to get into wherever the keys are kept.
  • This game has a disclaimer saying it’s not affiliated with George Romero or Dawn of the Dead. That’s a mistake on the part of George Romero and Dawn of the Dead.

I don’t know if I like it or I am making myself like it because I’ve been waiting for it for a year and a half. I think I might legitimately like it, but I’ve been playing for a few hours and I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything. And yet I keep playing because I think that when I do accomplish something, it’s going to feel really good.

That’s the hard part of hard games: Tough love makes them tough to love. But you can still wind up loving them.

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