I try to keep the personal bitching to a minimum here. Nobody wants to read this and go “oh, yeah, Dan, you’ve got it rough — you review video games for a living, you have a happy marriage, you live in California, and you have a home full of fun stuff.”
But for whatever reason, I find myself constantly angry. I don’t know why — I can step back, look objectively, and go, yeah, dude, charmed life. It’s not that there’s something I want, it’s more like something I don’t want. I don’t want to be angry.
Could be that I’m just spoiled — no real context of how good I have it compared to everybody else, so used to having things work out that I can’t process failure. Or maybe I don’t have an outlet for the little things that annoy everybody in their daily lives, so they fester and turn into big destructive things just because I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. That’s simply a communication issue combined with a bravery issue.
I’m still planning for the best instead of assuming the worst, but when things go wrong, they overwhelm me. I’m optomistic but I’m tired. I’m smart but I’m paranoid. And apparently I’m most of the lyrics from Alanis Morrissette’s “Hand in My Pocket.”
I think I’m just spoiled, personally. Time for a reality check of some sort.