The Keyboard of Evil

I like things that light up. Anyone who saw the setup in my old office at GamePro can attest to this. I had a nice blue neon thing going on. Today on the office “free table” I spotted something I lusted after about two years ago–the Deck keyboard. It got some bad reviews, has some serious ergo flaws and design decisions that make it less useful than a full-size keyboard (you put the delete key where?), and was pricey when it came out. The keys require a bit more “throw” to activate so my fingers get tired–but it lights up red! All over the damn place, including through the keys! It’s built to be modded but I think it looks cool as is. It’ll make a good keyboard for infrequent chatting, like on Xbox 360, or as a MAME machine keyboard, where looks are more important than function. And hey, the price was right. It’s going to a good home.

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The Acoustic Chronicles: Thanks, Drum Dude!

I don’t want to go breaking stereotypes about drummers, or music store employees, and especially not music store employees that work in the drum department. Today’s story, I assure you, will not.

Now that I’m shopping for a really fancy-ass guitar, I know where to go in each store: the acoustic room. Most if not all guitar stores have a little room where they keep the expensive stuff and some sort of door so you can hear yourself play these delicate wooden pieces of art while muffling the din of 14-year-olds laying waste to Metallica on Epiphone Flying Vs played through Triple Rectifiers (with the mids scooped, of course! OMG IT’S HARDCROE). Among the Guilds and Tacomas I found a very attractive guitar by a company I didn’t recognize, Avalon. So, after being allowed to play a ton of guitars uninterrupted for about 45 minutes, I came out of the little booth and a kid in an Independent t-shirt asked if I needed any help.

“Yeah, I’ve just been playing a bunch of guitars in the acoustic room there, and I was surprised by that jumbo, I think it’s made of cedar and mahogany. I’d never heard of the brand, though; what you can tell me about Avalon?”

The deer-in-headlights look hits our young squire. “Well…um, I know that if the guitar’s in that room…it’s one of the best ones.”

I did my best not to react like the guitar snob I am. “Yeah, I realize that, but I’m specifically wondering if you know anything about the company.”

“Let me go ask Matt; I work in the drum department. But he’s downstairs and he knows all about those guitars.” He was genuinely trying to be helpful and I do appreciate that. I don’t expect the drum guy to know about high-end acoustics. I thanked him and said there was no rush.

He came back upstairs and said Matt was busy. I suspect Matt was selling reeds to one of the student band kids I’d seen downstairs. Now, I used to work retail; I hate people who think the customer is always right or that they should be able to monopolize a salesperson’s time, but we’re not talking finding someone a book or CD here. People who come into guitar stores and start asking specific questions about the most expensive gear are doing so because they need that info to make a buying decision. So, again, no dis on the drum dude who knew who to ask for help, but Matt? Get your ass upstairs. I’ve got questions that only you can answer, and one of those is “What is your commission on a $2000 guitar?”

Drum dude, however, has no customers and is still eager to please. “Let me look it up for you online and see what I can find out.” Cool. I thanked him. After a few more minutes, Drummer says “All the website says…is that, like, they’re the best guitars made in the entire world.” “Yeah,” I responded, “I think I’ve heard that somewhere before. I think it was every guitar manufacturer.” We both laughed about it. But ultimately, I walked out knowing little more than my hands and ears had told me on my own.

On an unrelated note, I am not opposed to getting a synthetic guitar, but I don’t like the sound of Ovation. I have inquired directly about Emerald Guitars but since they’re made in Ireland, I don’t hold much hope that I’ll be able to play one, and I’d have to play one to know. Rainsong is a little closer to home so I could probably put hands on one to see how it sounds and feels.

I think this whole process is gonna take awhile.

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The Acoustic Chronicles: The Search Begins

So…after roughly 15 years of service, I have sold Nancy, my steel-string acoustic. (She went to a good home.) This was the guitar I played in Forrest Strangers, all through college, and well, up until this summer, when i had Greg give it a new nut and a full inspection. But it’s time to upgrade–Nancy was an exceptional value for a cheapie guitar, and I know more now. It’s time to go big.

So…armed with some money I’ve set aside from freelance writing and band gigs, I am officially shopping for what we’re calling an “heirloom acoustic”–something that will appreciate in both tone and value as it ages, but something that fits me. I think finding the right acoustic is a lot harder than finding the right electric; if my collection says anything, it proves that I find a wide variety of electrics to be “right.” But as I get older, I have gotten snobbier about guitars. I get super picky about neck shapes and tuners and bass response and stuff like that. This one is for life. It’s gotta be better than nice; it’s gotta be The One.

I have small hands and I don’t know if I need a ton of volume, so big jumbos and dreadnoughts are not preferred, but I’m playing them anyway. I think I want a concert or a OOO or something rounded like that (and I have a thinline already). I like the warmth of mahogany, which is usually considered a less desirable wood than rosewood for acoustic back and sides, but it sounds right to my ear. I would like a cutaway, I would like on-board electrics, I would like something US- or Euro-made, and I would like some fancy inlay stuff to prove to the world that I spent too much. 🙂 But the sound and feel are all that really matter.

I have tried a friend’s Martin HD-28 and, while it sounded nice, it didn’t seem to fit me, either stylistically or physically. It felt and sounded bigger than I feel comfortable with, like I couldn’t control it. And another friend’s Ovation looked totally my style–blue flames with a metallic style!–but the unamplified tone was, as usual with Ovations, anemic. So that’s a good place to start, the two extremes–total classic wood and totally radical plastic.

I played a really nice rosewood/spruce Guild D-55 today, which surprised me (great neck, nice tone), whereas the Richie Havens D-40 (mahogany/spruce) sounded good and a little more mellow, but I hated the neck. And the front-runner on paper is the Gibson J160E (yes, John Lennon’s). That’s mahogany with spruce, on-board pickup, and of course that classic Beatleness–I know how this sounds recorded. I just haven’t played it. Last Beatle holy grail I chased–the Rick 325–I hated when I tried. Maybe this will be the same thing?

Any other acoustic nerds out there, hit me with your knowledge and advice. And yes, Taylor is on the list! Which model has what I want?

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The UPS Mysteries

This isn’t supposed to sound like a math problem, but I’m afraid it will.

I have two packages coming via UPS Ground at the moment. One is a guitar in a hardshell case, weighing about 20 pounds, originating from San Diego. One is a CompactFlash card, a warranty replacement for one that went bad, weighing 0.10 pounds, originating from South Carolina. Both were shipped to the same ZIP code; both entered the UPS tracking system within two hours of each other. Which one will arrive first, and by how many days?

That’s right–the 20-pound guitar in the ginormous box will arrive September 6, but it will take five additional days for the fits-in-your-pocket CF card to reach my door. Keep in mind that USPS’s results would be about opposite. Is it simply that UPS is better equipped to handle large boxes and USPS is built around letters an smaller parcels? I’m not angry, just surprised.

For extra credit, please explain why it takes longer to enter a tracking number and get a result through UPS.com than it does to enter that same number into Google and have it get the same information, only with less clicks/no need to say “I live in this country” followed by “yes, I check this box to agree to the Terms and Conditions and hereby verify that I want this information, because the simple act of requesting it is apparently not proof of intent.” Try it: 1Z Y44 88X 03 1564 010 5

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Texas Hold ’em XBLA

Wow. Even against the worst poker players in the world, I seem to be unable to place higher than fourth.

Every game of Texas Hold ’em on Xbox Live Arcade starts roughly the same: At least three people go all-in on a pair or less. Since the top three places pay out, this is great for thinning the field. If you just cease to play for the first few hands, you can often make it into the money by default. If you do happen to have a moderately strong hand, like three of a kind, you can often take down that first pot and be aggressive for the rest of the game with little risk.

There’s also usually one guy who then mocks everybody who went all-in and proceeds to offer–at no additional cost to you!–all the poker advice and wisdom you never wanted in the first place. HE knows how to play. HE will tell you. And then in a few hands, HE usually chases some stupid straight draw and winds up out of the game, too. The quiet, smart players that remain then get on with the game.

I like it. The AI is atrocious, the music is obnoxious, and more than half of the players don’t know what they’re doing. But I like it.

EDIT: Well, okay, I liked it until tonight. Pocket aces, twice in one tournament, both times in the big blind. That’s fantastic luck! And both times, cracked by the river–once by a straight, once by trip 3s. Oh, the pain. Guess I’m just not betting enough to scare people off.

Posted in Games, Poker | 2 Comments

All You Need Is To Be Slapped, Really Really Hard

I heard “All You Need Is Love” on a commercial today…for Chase credit cards. The audacity of singing “all you need is love” while showing money seriously and truly disgusted me. It actually kind of hurt.
I guess Michael needs money. But fuck you, Michael.

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This Jesus Must ダイス

Kat wins a little more of my undying love for finding this amazing, amazing recording of Jesus Christ Superstar. I’m speechless.

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No blood for oil? Say, that gives me an idea…

We really love our car. It’s a very sensible, very efficient (life begins at 30 mpg) Geo Prizm, built at the nearby NUMMI plant in Fremont. It’s coming up on 100K in miles and we see no end in sight; it’s been super-reliable and very low maintenance. But we’d love a PT Cruiser someday, yet because we live in California, we’re thinking it’d be responsible to go green and get a hybrid. Andy has a Honda that’s been converted to run on natural gas; he’s doing his part. Maybe by the time the Geo is ready to be put out to pasture, there will be a hybrid PT.

If not, I have a solution. All that talk about “renewable fuels” and “no blood for oil” made me realize…why do you even have to exchange one for the other? Let’s get the engineers in Detroit to use plasma. Think about it:

  • It’s not just a renewable fuel source; it’s a self-propogating fuel source!
  • No foreign dependency at all, unless we really want to
  • Homeless problem? What homeless problem?

I look forward to the day when I can’t decide between the Pontiac Platelet or the Toyota Abattoir. Efficiency will be rated in miles per unwanted baby.

Admit it–it almost makes sense.

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From gamer to shamer

I went to theater today to see a production of Jesus Christ Superstar and, while waiting for the show to start, I pulled out my DS Lite and played some Tetris DS. A guy sat in the chair next to me and said “Wooooow, that looks like a neat little toy.” I responded feebly with “Well, I’m not interested in growing up any sooner than I have to,” but I felt like that was lame. I didn’t really know how to respond. I don’t think he meant it as an insult, but he certainly said it as if I were a child. Would he have said the same thing if I were watching something on a video iPod?

If I say “Well, I review games for a living,” that’s too defensive (or just sounds like I’m bragging), but anything else feels like I have to rationalize what is, in my mind, a perfectly acceptable way to kill time in public in the year 2006. Yet I still feel like I have to make an excuse for liking video games to people who treat it like it’s alien or juvenile. I still feel some amount of shame.

This was in downtown San Jose. I was a few blocks away from where they hold the California Extreme arcade show, in a town where they named a street after the co-creator of Breakout. And yet there it was–total ignorance of gaming’s increasing maturity.

Will games ever get out of the social ghetto?

Posted in Games, Geek | 2 Comments

Megabyte: Deleted

Anybody with aspirations as a voice actor pays attention to other voices. One of my favorite voice actors died recently – Tony Jay, whose generic name probably doesn’t ring any bells with most people. Kids know him as Frollo from Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame and the modern voice of Shere Khan in a bunch of TV cartoons; gamers know him as the Elder God from the Soul Reaver series, not to mention the narrator from World of Warcraft; geeks know him as Megabyte from ReBoot. He had one of those majestic baritones and a slight British accent that defined narration, if not villain. So many times I’d be in a game demo and go “Hey, Tony Jay!” and see a producer do a double-take that someone recognized the voice talent. So I’m really quite saddened. I really did enjoy his voice and his work.

Someone once theorized that at any given time there are only about a dozen people getting 80% of the voice work out there, so with Tony’s passing, everybody probably moves up one slot. In that case, congratulations to Patrick Warburton, who is ten times better as Brock Sampson and Mr. Barkin than he ever was on Seinfeld

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