Lepus Lepidus

This was an IM exchange from several months ago that I’ve just learned my wife not only saved, but passed around to friends.

Kat: so tonight for dinner, chicken and rice and grilled zucchini

Dan: two out of three ain’t bad. gonna grill on the panini?

Kat: you just have to try it, yep

Dan: has zucchini changed in some major way since the last time I tried it? Because I have never, ever liked zucchini.

Kat: when did you last try it?

Dan: cucumbers, sometimes I have talked myself into them. Zucchini smells bad to me and tastes bad to me. I still don’t even consider zucchini an option

Kat: try a small piece, if you don’t like it I won’t bug you again

Dan: you said that last time

Kat: then I won’t bug you til I forget and bug you

Dan: in Encyclopedia Amrich, zucchini is notable for being what Derek Smalls stuffed down his trousers and little else. “In a culinary context, zucchini is treated as a vegetable, which means it is usually cooked and presented as a savory dish or accompaniment. Botanically, however, the zucchini is an immature fruit, being the swollen ovary of the female zucchini flower.” OMG

Kat: it makes great bread

Dan: I am not interested in eating swollen ovaries

Kat: you are such a baby!

Dan: just because I choose to research vegetables to understand them and perhaps make them MORE appealing does not mean I am a baby

Kat: you eat the flesh of animals, but are squemish about veggies

Dan: I recall my parents having fried zucchini and/or italian dishes with zucchini. Because the animals are tasty. I will try it. Again.

Kat: that’s all I ask

Dan: and perhaps this time we will mark the date so it can be remembered as “the last time you tried this”

Kat: how come you have no memory of what I tell you, but food you remember?

Dan: Because your voice is melodious, and I get wooed by your siren’s call, but zucchini is traumatic and I weep

Kat: If I don’t think it is very tasty I won’t have you try it

Dan: wow, that’s as close to a guarantee. What is it supposed to taste like, besides hot, which is not a flavor but a sensation

Kat: squash

Dan: see, I hate squash smells too. I was actually thinking “well at least it’s not squash” — not kidding

Kat: It’s like a dense buttery cucumber

Dan: but cucumbers are interesting because, like carrots, they are crisp and light, and if you recall you actually got me eating raw carrots.

Kat: true

Dan: I don’t love them but I can eat them now and sometimes even CHOOSE to so we have raw carrots and lettuce….that’s inching its way toward a salad. If I can just get over the tomato issue.
dress it up with garbanzo beans (another Kat victory) and a few sprouts (which you don’t like) and maybe a little feta as a reward for eating a salad in the first place.

Kat: lol

Dan: so why fuck that up by grilling squashesque vegetables? but doesn’t it just make them hot and mushy?

Kat: Cause I like them and everything isn’t about you

Dan: lol—very little is about me but I’m just pointing out that you were on a path to progress, and this is a weird detour. sadly I find no recipes online that contian both the words “zucchini” and “tequila”

Kat: I can dip it in tequila for you

Dan: that’s a waste of good tequila

I like blogging, honestly. I’ve just been crazy busy lately and haven’t had time. Last week I took a short vacation to Las Vegas with Kat, and I have some fun photos of the Pinball Hall of Fame to post — but I haven’t sorted through them.

It’s crazy time on the magazine and deadlines are beyond…well, everything. When I can sleep, I have nightmares. Recent ones include nuclear annihilation and something that I just remember screaming and waking Kat up. I know it will all be worth it, but this project is taking its toll. It can only get better, and I’m speaking mathematically.

Meanwhile I’ve got a bug that’s going around so I’m hoping it doesn’t bloom this weekend. I plan to lay low. Maybe that means I’ll have time to sort through photos!

A few months ago my right foot hurt. Thought I was walking funny or pulled a muscle. Last week my toe exploded in pain and kept me awake. After a few days of mild help from my email-friendly doctor, I finally got to see him, and…well, ever hear of gout? It’s kinda that. This goes with the kidney stone and bursitis in the collection of Things I Did Not Think I Would Get Before Age 40.

Really, it’s hardly a tragedy; I did it to myself so who am I going to blame? It’s called the Disease of Kings because it’s a product of an unbalanced diet of rich foods. I am not a big drinker (which is the first thing that aggravates it, I suppose) but I am a big fan of red meat and not vegetables. Well, after a while, that has a lot of purines, and that generates crystals, and they wind up in my foot in something awesome called uric acid.

I’m walking with a cane for a little bit and I’m changing my diet. Haven’t had red meat in six days and it’s only just now affecting me; it’s not forbidden but I see no reason to have red meat until this flareup goes away. Poultry is okay, fish (some fish anyway, because they have purines too) is okay. I like beans and have alternate sources of protein. But really? More veg will help on so many levels. Some friends have offered great ideas that they’ve used to get their kids to eat vegetables; at least I can articulate “that’s too slimy” or “the smell is off-putting” and sort of try new things accordingly. But I still feel silly for not having eaten better up until now.